So here’s an idea that originated in a text message to my friend. Is it possible that when a person often criticizes and gets mad at you, you are void of being able to interpret them saying the opposite, once in a while? That after the multitude of times that they’ve put you down, the idea of them applauding you seems like a lie. Though it can relate ,don’t get the wrong idea- this is not a post about bullying- Yet it is obvious to me that this often happens in situations like jobs when we’re faced with tough managers and bosses, in-laws or other everyday people with whom we deal with, but when it is someone close to you…how much more would that matter…how much more would that change the aspects of the situation? Would you be expected to accept the minimal praise because you know in your right mind that deep, deep inside they truly feel that way… Or do the words seem so rare that they become a lie that you seem to ignore and you wind up smiling and laughing, as if they made a joke, and you find yourself asking them to stop, because you believe they don’t truly mean it. When it comes to being overly criticized and minimally praised…is it possible to interpret and accept it as a fantastic achievement or do our minds become so oblivious to this random positivity that it’s merely a joke?
Once my friend responded, I decided that the response was probably better than the entire contents of this post- so this is what she wrote back-
“In a way, yes. If someone would repeatedly tell me that I was “this”, or I was “that”, and I made changes to improve their views on me, without any results, then I would conclude that their views are irrevocable. So, if they indeed told me one day that I was the complete opposite from what they had been telling me, I would doubt them, definitely.
Why would they admit/claim something that they had completely rejected/ignored the notion of before? Was it a change in behavior? Did they gain a different perspective? Whatever it was, it had NOTHING to do with what I had done, right? If I had acted like I always have, without a change in behavior, it would be them who criticized me who has CHANGED, not me. So in that light, I would certainly doubt that their “changed views” or praise hold much meaning in the context of my actual behavior.
But it feels nice too, to be praised when you are usually scolded. Rather surprising, in a pleasant way. ” -N.C